Doubt

Keraguan selalu menghampiri qalbu ku ketika melihat dengan mata fisik dan kembali melihat dengan mata qalbu. ~.~, every single thing have change into darkness side of the world.

Glare or blindness? Switch it out, turn it out. You'll never know how long that the time will be reveal. You are just one of the entire universe. I miss my time when I can share it to play a game making fun of the time. Spending it in useless way.

Now, let start with a new way. According to my experience there is nothing in this world will give you such a free gift from the sky. It is useless for you and me to keep hoping for something great without doing anything. Sit down, eating some food, you must always aware you need to do something to make it true. Bro. Everything change since the time are never in my side anymore. My routine has change into the darkness time, when I don't know what to do. When there is no one by my side. Just me here all alone, waiting for the shine of the sun.

What I can do, is just watching through the darkness night seeing nothing but darkness. Suggesting myself to make it even worse than it should. When I always keep my words that "my light will never fades away". I'm trying to make myself  a strong person who can control everything I wanted. But no, i'm just a weak boy with a thousand dream in my head and hoping, the dream can be a reality. I can do nothing just hoping for the miracle.

20th years old boy without any experience trying to judge the world even with lack of experiences. Doubting every single step, even just to move finger. Even more walk into the darkness that will throw my soul into the deepest darkness in the world. Because i'm never afraid to do that. Hoping I can be a better person to explore the forbidden place. Forbidden area of the brain that can make your mind even more worse, becoming the worst in this world.

This is the hymn of the pointless person. Waiting for nothing, hard work to gain nothing. You always running, because you never found a perfect answer for everything that need to be perfect for your stupid brains. The simplest way is to cut it out from your life and you think that is satisfying.

Anger, do you think you can control your anger? Stupid, you are just nothing than a 20th years old boy, your not becoming 21st yet. This time. You must past over a month 2 days to make it. And still no one promise you that you'll get it.

Don't you think, the number that you always remember is something important for you? Yes, that is the key. He always be an important person for her, definitely. Because she will always remember every single time and every single moment with him, because however he has become the first for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is what it make i'm lose to him. I'm just a simple loser coming down from the center of the earth disturbing their relationship. I'm just a snake, i'm trying to be kind like the pigeon. I'll never made it. I'm just a snake, that will destroy her relationship. I don't want to be like this. I don't need to be like this. I'm just a loser compare to him.

"No, you just so pessimistic." What can I do? However i'll never able to change the fact that i'm just someone she ran out, because his not by her side anymore. I'm just a loser compare to him. Nothing else.

It is my story. Yes, my story as an eternally lonely boys. That will never be compare to him, someone she always love.

I don't like to be compare. So that why, i'm always thinking he is the best for you. And i'm just someone that you must chose because no one else you can chose. I'm happy, that i can make you happy. However I'll be happier if you can happier than know, with him as your boyfriend. :)

May the God know this. That i'm not good for you, because I'll never be a better chose for you, he is the best for you.